I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize