false alarm. still invincible.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
