My hand turned me down
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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