Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize