I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
