put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
