Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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