I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
