i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
