All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
