Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
