dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
