Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
