Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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