Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
pray to the hookup gods
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
