Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
