It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
