theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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