is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
