Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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