I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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