I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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