She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
