You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
