Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
