The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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