I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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