i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
