so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize