I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
