I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
