Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
