i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
