We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
