God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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