he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
