Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
