He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
