WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
