i wish my penis had a tongue
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
