do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
