You work out of a Hotel?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
