i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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