I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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