it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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