someone threw a dead crab at me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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