I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
