It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
