i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
