Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
