I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
