Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
