She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
