He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
