my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
