i already hear my dad disowning me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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