proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
