sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
