Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
