Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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