i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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