I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's shark week go big or go home
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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