bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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