there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
