If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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