Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
