im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
