So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
