ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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