Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm determined to sit on that face.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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