I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
