Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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