I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
