Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
