Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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