ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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