just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
