After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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