turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
