Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
